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My Top 3: Situational Awareness Tips to Deter Self Defense Situations

3/9/2021

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by Brenda Peterson

Mindset Is A Critical Part of Self Defense

People talk a lot about self defense--which I usually think of as the ability to defend yourself against an attacker. Ideally, though, we can learn how to prevent many of those situations from becoming physical altercations. 

I think it is important to be able to defend yourself. Most self-defense training, though, focuses on the point where you're being attacked, not on ways to prevent an attack from ever taking place. Here, I'm focusing on putting yourself in a position where you can avoid an incident (like being assaulted, robbed or raped) altogether.

As someone who lives in a large city, currently with an increase in crime, and doesn't want to live afraid, I focus on these three concepts for staying out of harm's way: situational awareness, being an imperfect victim and listening to my intuition. ​

Be Aware of Your Surroundings

​Situational awareness is a fancy way of saying "pay attention." I'm amazed by the people I see on a regular basis, who seem completely disconnected from the world around them. For many, there seems to be the prevalent attitude that bad things simply will not happen to them regardless of what they do. Being actively disconnected from what is going on around you make you more likely to be assaulted or a victim of theft.

Here's what a lack of situational awareness looks like:
  • A person walks on a busy sidewalk, singing along with a loud song on their headphones and nearly walks in front of a delivery truck.
  • A person at the supermarket parks their cart across the middle of an aisle so no one else can get through and checks for store coupons on their phone.
  • A person stands in front of the train door and answers a phone call as people try to get around them to enter and exit. 

Here's what situational awareness looks like: 
  • A person walks into a room, takes a cursory look around to see who's there, and mentally notes where the exits are.
  • A person slows down as not to walk too close to the person in front of them, and notices that someone is walking behind them on their left. ​
  • A person who, near the end of their drive home, first looks to see if anyone is following them, then looks at the cars parked on the street in near their house and if they are occupied before getting out of the car as not to be a carjacking victim.​

Overall, situational awareness is making a little effort to notice your physical environment so that you are in tune with it, instead of constantly surprised by it.
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Be An Imperfect Victim

Again, no one wants to be a victim, but many of us do things that make us more likely to be one. Since typically people who are going to rob or rape others are looking for easy targets, being perceived as difficult is a great way to avoid an incident. 

Here's what imperfect victims look like:
  • They walk with purpose and exude confidence. Their heads are up, and they are aware of the people, places and things around them. If someone gets too close, they look them directly in the face.
  • They are sober, know where they are going and how to get there. They don't say things like "I've never been in this city before and I'm not even sure what hotel I'm staying in."
  • They have their purses and bags zipped shut and carry them in a way that they are not easily snatched. Their have their money and other valuables secured or out of sight. 

Imperfect victims also remember their boundaries. Too often, especially as women, we try to accommodate other people's requests because we want to be liked. Remember, though, you don't have to be nice to random people who approach you and demand things from you. You do not have to shake someone's hand, hug someone, or tolerate someone in your personal space. You do not have to give anything to an aggressive panhandler.

​Tell people no, and do it loudly if required. Put your hands up between you and them when you say "no" to let them know they really do need to stop. You may even need to yell "Get away from me" loudly to make it clear that they need to give you space. People who speak up are perceived as being more trouble than they are worth. 
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Listen To Your Intuition

You know how sometimes dogs don't like certain people? Or how babies cry and do not want to be held by just anyone? Their intuition​ is what makes them want to avoid some people. Unlike small children or animals, as adults, we tend to ignore our intuition.  This is out of a sense of politeness or fear of being accused of being one of the bad -ists (racist, sexist, elitist). We need to re-learn to listen to our intuition for the sake of our well-being and trust that. This is not about political correctness or offending someone we don't even know. This is about our personal safety in what could be a dangerous situation.

Here are those feelings you need to honor: 
  • Does it feel like someone is too close? Does someone creep you out? 
  • Do you have a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach?
  • Does something not look quite right?

Those weird feelings that you can't quite put into words? Listen to them. Remember, sometimes, our bodies figure thing out before our brains catch up. We need to learn to pay attention to our surroundings with our heads, and our bodies, and heed that warning. It will help keep us safe.
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Learn More

  • 10 Best Self Defense Tips from AttackProof.com 
  • 14 Self Defense Tips Every Woman Should Know by RooGirl
  • How To Develop the Situational Awareness of Jason Bourne by Art of Manliness
  • The Three D's (Detect, Defuse, Defend) by Tony Blauer 
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My Top 5: Adulting Advice For My Teenage Daughter

2/7/2020

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by Brenda Peterson

Adulting is Hard

One of my goals as a parent is to help prepare my now teenage daughter to be a functional adult who makes good decisions and is happy and healthy. Here are my top 5 focus areas to position her for adulting success.

Tip 1: Plan ahead to avoid creating emergencies.

  • Have a plan and at least one back up plan. Circumstances change. Don’t be surprised.
  • Dress appropriately for the weather and activity. Sometimes this means walking shoes and bringing a sweatshirt. At other times, it’s an evening gown and high heels.
  • When you leave the house, bring your phone, wallet and keys. Every. Single. Time.
  • Find out a consistent place to put your possessions. If you lose things, you’ll have to manage without them or pay to replace them. That thing you can’t find? It’s wherever you put it.
  • Dye your hair whatever crazy color you want, just think through what you’ll do about roots.
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Tip 2: Take control of your personal safety and security.

  • Do not share passwords and passcodes for your house, phone or computer with anyone.
  • Don’t act like a victim. Be aware of your surroundings, walk with purpose and project confidence. Keep your head up and your nose out of your phone.
  • Keep yourself out of harm’s way. Don’t ride with a drunk driver. Don’t go on a date with someone who creeps you out. Don’t walk in a place that feels unsafe.
  • Answer your phone and check your messages. Your phone’s main purpose is not Instagram. It’s your lifeline so you can communicate with others. Being reachable=more personal freedom.
  • Don’t start a fight, but be ready to end it. Try to diffuse, or avoid, situations that could turn into an altercation. If worse comes to worse, defend yourself. 
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Tip 3: Have positive interactions and build healthy relationships.

  • Greet people and smile. Say please and thank you. One kind act can make all the difference in your life, and the lives of others. Be a positive force in the world.
  • Not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone either. Be at least civil to people, but don’t be anyone’s doormat.
  • Sometimes you need to turn to an adult for guidance and support.  If you don’t talk to me, talk to your dad, your step-dad, your best friend’s mom, or a family friend. Let one of us help you.
  • You get to say no without giving a reason. You can decide not to spend time with someone, not to receive a hug from someone and not to loan your possessions to someone else.
  • I don’t care if you are interested in men, women, both or neither--just don’t date someone who is mean to you.
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Tip 4: Attend to your overall health and well-being.

  • Pay it forward. Hold the door open. Give someone a dollar. Tip well. Wave back at small children. Doing good deeds without expecting anything in return increases your well-being.
  • Appreciate what you have and be grateful. Take care of your things and appreciate the experiences you have. Don’t take things for granted or act like the world owes you.
  • Listen to your emotions. They help you know when something is wrong and needs to change, or when something is the right decision. Use your head, but be sure to trust your gut.
  • Stay active doing things you love to do. Skate, hike, swim and play games. Take a walk with a friend. Ride your bikes to do errands. Build exercise into your life so it’s not a chore.
  • Skip the cigarettes. No one ever looks back and thinks, “Boy am I glad I started smoking.” 
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Tip 5: Commit to personal growth and positive change.

  • Get enough education to get a job you will like where you can support yourself.
  • Learn about multiple points of view. In the media the two most extreme viewpoints are represented, and the majority of people who are in the middle are dismissed. Seek out people, experiences and viewpoints that challenge the status quo.
  • Being open to changing your mind is growth, not weakness. As you meet people, live life and acquire more information, your views should evolve.
  • Complaining about all the actions people SHOULD  take to solve your problems gets you nowhere. Figure out what you can do, both short term and long term, to improve the situation.
  • “Being smart” is a journey, not a destination. Always keep learning and growing.
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Learn More

  • 10 Pieces of Advice I hope my Kids Won’t Ignore
  • The Best Advice You Can Give To Your Kids
  • 11 Pieces of Advice To Give The Teenagers in your Life  
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    Authors

    Mike Treat is the Owner and Chief Instructor at Condition Orange Preparedness.

    Brenda Peterson is a Learning Consultant and Assistant Instructor with Condition Orange Preparedness.

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