My Top 5: Adulting Advice For My Teenage Daughter

by Brenda Peterson

Adulting is Hard

One of my goals as a parent is to help prepare my now teenage daughter to be a functional adult who makes good decisions and is happy and healthy. Here are my top 5 focus areas to position her for adulting success.

Tip 1: Plan ahead to avoid creating emergencies.

• Have a plan and at least one back up plan. Circumstances change. Don’t be surprised.
• Dress appropriately for the weather and activity. Sometimes this means walking shoes and bringing a sweatshirt. At other times, it’s an evening gown and high heels.
• When you leave the house, bring your phone, wallet and keys. Every. Single. Time.
• Find out a consistent place to put your possessions. If you lose things, you’ll have to manage without them or pay to replace them. That thing you can’t find? It’s wherever you put it.
• Dye your hair whatever crazy color you want, just think through what you’ll do about roots.

Tip 2: Take control of your personal safety and security.

• Do not share passwords and passcodes for your house, phone or computer with anyone.
• Don’t act like a victim. Be aware of your surroundings, walk with purpose and project confidence. Keep your head up and your nose out of your phone.
• Keep yourself out of harm’s way. Don’t ride with a drunk driver. Don’t go on a date with someone who creeps you out. Don’t walk in a place that feels unsafe.
• Answer your phone and check your messages. Your phone’s main purpose is not Instagram. It’s your lifeline so you can communicate with others. Being reachable=more personal freedom.
• Don’t start a fight, but be ready to end it. Try to diffuse, or avoid, situations that could turn into an altercation. If worse comes to worse, defend yourself. 

Tip 3: Have positive interactions and build healthy relationships.

• Greet people and smile. Say please and thank you. One kind act can make all the difference in your life, and the lives of others. Be a positive force in the world.
• Not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone either. Be at least civil to people, but don’t be anyone’s doormat.
• Sometimes you need to turn to an adult for guidance and support.  If you don’t talk to me, talk to your dad, your step-dad, your best friend’s mom, or a family friend. Let one of us help you.
• You get to say no without giving a reason. You can decide not to spend time with someone, not to receive a hug from someone and not to loan your possessions to someone else.
• I don’t care if you are interested in men, women, both or neither--just don’t date someone who is mean to you.

Tip 4: Attend to your overall health and well-being.

• Pay it forward. Hold the door open. Give someone a dollar. Tip well. Wave back at small children. Doing good deeds without expecting anything in return increases your well-being.
• Appreciate what you have and be grateful. Take care of your things and appreciate the experiences you have. Don’t take things for granted or act like the world owes you.
• Listen to your emotions. They help you know when something is wrong and needs to change, or when something is the right decision. Use your head, but be sure to trust your gut.
• Stay active doing things you love to do. Skate, hike, swim and play games. Take a walk with a friend. Ride your bikes to do errands. Build exercise into your life so it’s not a chore.
• Skip the cigarettes. No one ever looks back and thinks, “Boy am I glad I started smoking.” 

Tip 5: Commit to personal growth and positive change.

• Get enough education to get a job you will like where you can support yourself.
• Learn about multiple points of view. In the media the two most extreme viewpoints are represented, and the majority of people who are in the middle are dismissed. Seek out people, experiences and viewpoints that challenge the status quo.
• Being open to changing your mind is growth, not weakness. As you meet people, live life and acquire more information, your views should evolve.
• Complaining about all the actions people SHOULD  take to solve your problems gets you nowhere. Figure out what you can do, both short term and long term, to improve the situation.
• “Being smart” is a journey, not a destination. Always keep learning and growing.

Learn More

• 10 Pieces of Advice I hope my Kids Won’t Ignore
• The Best Advice You Can Give To Your Kids
• 11 Pieces of Advice To Give The Teenagers in your Life